mhm.

and i can't believe how selfish i have been. its disgusting, really. really horribly disgusting. i can't believe i let myself feel so numb, it ruined everything. but everything was ruined before that, anyway. and its my fault. and i don't think anything is going to be changing any time soon. she won't answer her phone.

because my head hurrrrrrrts and im looking for an excuse to not do homework:)

things with logan have been great. grrrrrrrrreaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat(: he's the best.ever.evereverevereverever!!
hes just so sweet. and perfect and aaah(:

and jenna has faded away. yay? yeah

and this humble little cardinal alliance is amazing.
<33

aabout that cool day.october 18th!

soo i got up in the morning at 630,i believe.had to get ready to go take the PSAT,woo!hahah not.anyways.i get there and i have to wait for jennaa.argh! so then i see eddy and it turns out he's in the same room as jenna. so yeah whatever i go take the test.the guy was cool hahaha.but yeah whatever it was boring duhhhhhhhh.
so then afterwords,my mom picks up me and jenna and takes us to in n out where kara and dad met us. ommgg freakin jenna told them that i like logan hahaha!whatever its all gooood. and then we went to go get our nails done and yeahh. jenna was reading all the messages on my phone from logan and she was kinda upset...but she was fine.and then yeah went home got ready woooo
hahaha we like followed logan all the way up to olivia's house.but yeah OMMGSHH her house is so pretttty.! and justin got me a corsage..erg.and it kept on falling off hahahahaha.yeahh so we took pictures and everything it was fun(: haha megan looked cute in her pink dress hahah.UGHH when me and justin took the couple picture!freakin jenna and logan -___- rawr.but yeahhh we all were just chillin doin that sentence game we did on friday haha. it was funfunfun!but awkward cause the parents were right there...[x and it was really cold so me and jenna went inside the house so everybody would follow,and they did.so we were chillin out and logan was getting pretty flirty haha.
and then we had to get in the logan's van thing for dinner.i kinda regret inviting jenna to come with us hahah but its all good.so jenna and logan and eddy were all squashed in the back=P but yeah it was pretty loud,and logan was reading all of jennas texts hahhahhhhh oops.well then we get to tony roma's and justin is like...on the far end of the table oops.but yeahhh logan and jenna were texting all this secret stuffffff and i was so confuuuseddd cause yeahhhh!!!but they said it was a good thing so whatever haha.i dont remember why but i had to go over to the other end of the table where will and the two justins were sitting. hahaha it was funny,me and logan were both at the heads of the table keeping an eye on eachother.i was all sad and logan did that little heart thing with his fingers awwww!teeheehee.but FINALLLYYY the torture of dinner was over and we got back in the van.ahah logans mom was with us that time so me,jenna,logan and eddy allllllllll had to cram into the back.they were all doing the voicecommands on their phones wtheck o_O
and then we got to the dannceeee!when we all got down there we took off our shoes and whatever and of course i didnt wanna dance at first hahaha. but we all started dancing and yeah.and then a slooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwww sonnnnnng(: and me and logan danced together yayy!(((: aahh it still feels like i dreamt it hahahh but i didnt,wahoo!  and then yeahh we were kinda acting couple-y.haha.ommmgoodness kara and kaleb are frikken ADORABLE together, ommmmmmmg aw. well jenna was being all retarded making it so i haddd to dance with justin for a slow song,so i did and then shes all 'that didnt count' and yeah i was kinda annoyed..haha logan is so cute[x he was all apologizing because i had to,like it was his fault.but apparently it was a wasted dance -___-  so yeah the night goes on,and then the 'last' slow songs come on and i dance with logan.and theres all this drama with becca and jenna about it.so i say to myself,im about to go dance with justin. and then jenna pulls me aside and yells at me to go dance with him.i say okay whatever i was going to anyways. and thennn becca pulls me aside and yells even more.but then of course as im on my way over there,jenna stops me to tell me to go when im on my way and then becca comes and yells some more and ughhh! so i go dance with justin and hes just being a big fat JERK.like hes just standing there...and so jocelyn comes and saves us,but him actually dancing lasts for about ten seconds.and then justin just decides to leave.so then the LASSSTTT slow song comes on,and logan is over there talking to jenna and he came over to dance with me.and it suucked cause i didnt wanna tell him to go dance with jenna[x but i HAD to,apparently. so i dance with will. and jenna gives me this look like wtf?and i explain to her about justin leaving.

so yeah. the dance is over and we all go get our stuff,and me and logan are holding hands(: but yeah we had to go wait out front.and we were just chillin there,all wrapped up in eachother hahahah.but that freakin jonathon kid held up the corsage thing above me and logan and was screaming 'MISTLETOE!MISTLETOE!' rawrrrrr.awkwarrrrrrrdd much?but it was coo.but i had to leaaave): and we were texting and he was bein all cuuute.aah it still feels like a dream though!but aaactually,i had a dream that i was back at the dance and everything SUUCKED in comparison to what actually did.and it reminds me of that quote that goes something like 'you know youre in love when reality is finally better than your dreams' well obviously im not in love but yeahhhh awww(: im just glad he had a greaat birthday(:<3

yay,updates!so,currently,i am still topsyturvy,wibblywobbly,whatever,about that silly boy.i like him,i really do,but i just don't knowww.!today,me and jenna were just playing this little game with eachother to embarass eachother and yeah.i wasnt really doing anything to hurt her,but she was doin alottt to hurt me.-____- like telling all these things to justin that aren't true,blah.and justin said to logan "jennas telling me all this stuff about sierra i already knew." wtf?logan was probably right about him,but it doesnt seem right. maybe i should trust him.just get homecoming over with!erg. itfeelslikeiwasmeantmoreforloganaaahh but i like justin,dont i?i'm like superhappy with him.or maybe thatll change with my new opinion of him..but he doesnt act like a jerk!like usually im proo at reading who a guy REALLY is. its like i have jerk-radar,LOL.so why arent i sensing that around justin?maybe my radar is failing.or maybe its being blocked by opinions.yes,i think thats it.i need to overcome every opinion of set on him, from how happy i am around him to how much of a jerk some people call him. clean this slate,it'll all be okay! hes too dense,too hard to figure out. so before i tell him i'll go out with him,i have to have a clear view about who he is. im through going into these things blind. and then,theres jenna.she thinks we're best friends...and yeah,we're not.she drives me crazy,so immature!but shes a fun friend to have i guess,we just need to get to know eachother better.

and then there's school,academic wise. everything there is natural and falling into place.in jazz, i can feel myself getting better everyday!thats the best part.sure,the awesome melodies,backgrounds,and rythyms are freakinTIIGHTTT,but i'm an ambitious person!i live off of challenge and succeeding goals.i give myself high expectations;expect nothing less than the stars.i get high off of music;it jumpstarts my day! jazz is VERY dear to me,for without it,i wouldn't have challenge.without challenge,there's no success.without success,there's no confidence.without confidence,there's no self-encouragement to strive for the very best.and without the very best...im unfulfilled.and marching,which is a new thought,is absolutely AMAZING.on the field,im part of something bigger than myself!a part of a whole,an individual characteristic in a masterpiece.and you look at our alliance,all of our differences.none of us are alike!but then we all get on the field together and create something beautiful(: some personalities may clash,but not for us.WOOTWOOOOT.<333

and i dont feel like talking about the fallingout with jaleen.cause that just sucks.save it for another day.

so these past couple of days have been interesting. first,me and sarah made up and she came and sat with us then i went and sat with her and that was just kinda it.i havent talked to her since. and justin...well lets just say forget about that last entry?ha.ilikehim.i thought long and hard about 99.5%of people that know both of us say i should just go out with him.so why exactly is that .5% holding me back?i have no idea why it did,why the hell i cared,but i dont anymore.and all i know is that i wanna be with him and i needa get over my foolish pride.






hello,mr.heartache!i've been expectin youu..

leads to the beginning of another.



quick update?me and sarah are pretty much completely done with eachothr,and i dont like justin anymore.
thats it!

maybe i should be nicer,yeah?
yeah,i should.that'll start in about thirty minutes when i go to rehearsal. no more screamy sierra.





ugh,iwannagotohomecoming|:

mmm so today was pretty good,you could say.



morning- omgggg so i wanted to get a donut from alberstons so we left early. and there was a freakin traffic blockk and it took thirty flippin minutes to get to school!-___-

jazz- jazz sectional.i dont think i was making geoff to happy,but i got alot better and thats what counts[x

1st- so me and ms.paul were talking about the talent show teeheeheeeee[x and the ball-passy thing was fun ahahaha

2nd- uuhhhh borrinnnggggggggggggggggg

3rd- uhhh nothing happened we just watched a video

4th- i took a video teeheeheeeeeeeee.it was pretty fun,annie likes me i guess hahaha.

lunch- uhmmm me miracle and jordin went looking for hot guys,but were unsuccessful.it was okay[x

5th- hahaha logan was my vent,poor thing[x uhh it was boring though we were just in the library

6th- omggg he's so flirty this period!i looove it. he always seems so into me in pe.but then after its just uuughhhh

after- yeah so this stupid kid was being stupid. he kiinda asked me to homecoming but not really.and he was like DRILLING me on why people dont like me wtheckk -___- and apparently hes starting to like megan cause shes 'cute and mature' HAA well justin said im mature hahahaha and people say im cute?well i think megan should go away anyways[x she was being so flirty with him at lunch ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh|: and stole him from me so i couldnt walk with him to fifth]:


oh welllll.i'll update after rehearsal,maybe

yeah,today was alriighttt.


jazz- improv! i did alright,and i kinda got the hang of it[:lmao the harder part was trying to read my writing after we copied down the scale and stuff hahaha!

1st- yeah so i left my little pencil pouch in the band room so i had to run and get it.and of course alein had to tell me to stay calm[x silly kid,im always calm!muahahaha.the rest of the period was boringg,we just read.but the book is intennnseeeeeeeee maayyne.

2nd- aww jocelyn was trying to explain to me about the thing with jake and how someone told him about her and ken when becca showed up. i dont think joc likes becca too much,she does that alot and then we start talking about things she doesn't understand[x but beccas coolll:D math is easyeasyeasyeasypie,idunno why i have a B!its probably those silly mistakes in the quiz.

break- yeah so becca told me that justin asked olivia to homecoming?but when i asked justin about it he was like noooo i didnttt why does everybody say thaaat.and yeah. but i got a cookie!muahaha:D

3rd- so i told mr.smuts he's my favorite teacher and hes like 'what do you say that to everryyy teacher when you first walk in?' hahaha. i dont! AND IM HEAD OF THE CLASS WHOOOO:D becca convinced me to call my mom and tell her hahaha

4th- i wrote it on the wall about my excellent news in smuts[x and then will brought it down with 'PFTT I HAVE 100%!ITS SO EASY I GET EVERYTHING!' goddamnnn,he doesn't have to tell me that -___- but yeah it was fun otherwise.

lunch- hahaha i kinda ditched justin and everybody and sat at the other cool kid table.it was alright,kinda boring[x but then i switched back over and yeahhh.logan kept on making me think i did something bad.hahaha then i tried to convince him to get olivia to fall madly in love with him and yeahhhhh!i guess that'll be my job from now on[[[[[x

5th- yeah so it was the normal 'teeheeee'flirtiness on the way there.and justin was being all weird when i asked him why he didnt ask olivia yet ahahah.and then the whole class thing was just boring cause DUUUHHH its history!history suuucks

6th- hahahahaha shadow tag with wendy,that one kid,and justin. lolololol. and chyeaaah PACKERS UNDEFEATEDD<333333333333 yay us!:D

sectionals- haha so the kid was bein all flirtyy and stuffff:]like i was like OWWWWW [insert pained body part here,iforgot] HURTSSS. 'awww do you want me to kiss it for you make it betterr?' muahahahahahahhahaha thats the thing that the kid before that liked to do. hahaha,im so manipulative. lets see what i'll do tomorrow...;D the guy that coached our sectional was pretty cool,jim rogers i think his name was. we connectedd hahahaha. except he would be all talking strongly about something and then hed say something like 'okay and then whatever i guess..' totally outta character. but he was cool.hahahaha 'your singing is amazing!' we were all pretty comfortable around him. and then after practice we got cupcakes from our lovely section leaderssss wooohooooooooo!:DDdelicious.

goodness,i love the band kids.we love eachother,they love me!teeheehee its so comfortable.i even talked to danika and hannah a tiny bitt lololol i thought thatd NEVERR happen! its like the COMPLETE opposite of being with the cfc-y kids,so you could say that explains a BUNCH why things aren't the same anymore.and i'm completely okay with it,i'm so happy! and i know sarah's happy too,she has johnny and all her best friends.and thats all that matters!<33


win-win situation,yah?YAHHHHH!

my myspace is officially gone! and i gotta go to the game in like fifteen minutes so this is gonna be quick,like a today bulletin!:D


jazz- it was good,we ran through it pretty well.breana said i did a good job:DD

1st- DUUDE i love how all the girls in that class give me evil stares LOLOLOL. so i was inspired to write a list on my hand of all the girls that tolerate me. theres 11 names[x and then i put dots next to the names of the girls im close to...theres only four dots:D lololol

2nd- i felt superduper smart with my big fat packet i handed in loll

3rd- haha jaleen called and i meant to press the reject button on my phone but i pressed the answer instead.so all of the sudden you hear voices on the phone and yeaaah. we were taking this big test too[x

4th- AHAHAHAHAHAHA we got the score for the chicken dance cause yeah we didn't have the music. and there was six pages,so we lined up a buncha stands and we had to like walk to read all the music HAHAH[x

lunch- i was quiet but yeah.i called jaleen and that was fun. i love my bandkids[x

5th- uhhh gaaay duhh

6th- i love football omgsh[x i kept on rushing dylan and yeaah i made him screw up some throws;D



justin was being weird today...and im pretty sure he didnt ask olivia yet


okay yeah well i gotta go,i'll update when im back!<3

yeah, well it was about time. i have quite a few reasons,actually!


i'm absolutely tired of living a lie. if i was to say sarah,cassie,leigh anne,all of them, are my best friends...i'd have to change it to past tense.they WERE. for some reason,everything just changed. we grew apart, and that's that.i felt like just a space on their top friends,and they were just a space on mine. like it was just a label; and thats not how it should be. so i had to fix that,so lets just say i took myself off. im breaking the bond and guess what,im free

but lets also say that i am WAY too busy anyways. i really,really,really need to have my homework done and all my commitments taken care of. myspace was a distraction. and the only reason i REALLY truly kept it was because i get bored and i wanna talk to camp friends.well guess what?i have facebook for that. and in place of bulletins,i have livejournal!yay. i think i'm gonna be much much MUUCH happier without myspace.
i can see it now.






hello,revolution?

day today!
aaaah, highlights:
#1: geoff saying nice things to me!ahaha
#2: paul giving me credit for homework even though she knew i didnt do the questions
#3: getting a good whiteboard thing hahahahaha
#4: not needing to know what we read,getting ahead in the science packet:P
#5: having a good conversation with mcnurlan
#6: getting a cookie from miracle!
#7: having white-cheddar goldfish thrown at me LMAO
#8: logan letting me copy his homework!
#9: kivette not taking my phone when she caught me texting...TWICE!
#10: not being able to beat the system lol:]
#11: having fun with football!
#12: managing to find a ride home
#13: getting stalled by mcnurlan and zach so id see the jazz list
#14: running around like a chicken with its head cut off looking for a green paper
#15: JAZZ BAND A! :]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
#16: seeing kiara!
#17: celebrating with icecream and popsicles!
#18: my doggies following me around :]
#19: grace texting me!
#20: <333333333333



todaybulletin:

jazz: uhmm yeaaah. im not sure if i like that new song yet haahahah.
geoff was being exceptionally nice to me:P

1st: yeaah so i dont really remember it.i was probably hyper like always,lol.


2nd: i was quiiettt and yeaaa

pep rally: funnn:DD i met another best friend named cameron haahaha whadda cutie :]

3rd: it went by fassttt!

4th: hahahahaha me and mcnurlan were 'arguing' because i said aguilars my favorite music teacher.
but hes getting close to my heart hahaha
'how bout that guy over there?' -points to geoff-
'yeaaahh hes getting close to my heart too!'
'well you shouldnt let that happen....' -does the little x thing with his fingers-
lol,i love band!

lunch: yeaahh so it was a game of torture sierra with tickling her and stealing her phone and shouting EB!EB!EB! when doing her homework hahahaha :] <33

5th: iickkkyy. kivette kept on catching me texting hahaha.
but she was nice and just said put it away

6th: i can't stop the system :] <3
boys are silly.


after: HEHEEHEHEHEE
well i was in a rush. cause yeah my mom left me a voicemail that i had to get one of the green papers and get my band shirt. but i was rushing cause jocelyn was waiting for me and yeahh. i was running around the band room looking for a green paper and mcnurlan was just wasting my time lol.
i think it was cause he didnt want me to run out without looking at the jazz paper hahahahaha :] and then i was running around and breana came up to me 'CONGRATULATIONS SIERRRRAAA!' 'whaaat?!' 'YOURE IN THE FIRST JAZZ BAND' 'AAAAH! okay i gotta find paper!!' and i couldnt find it so i ran out and looked at the list and teeeheeeheheeeeheehheheheehehehhehehe :]] <3



dang,this is better than making the freakin basketball team hahahah :]
:DDDDD



ahhh:]] I LOVED TODAY.

that you actually read my livejournal; because if you did actually read it,you would have seen this coming months ago -___-

i may be losing my closest friends,

but you know what? i'm too strong to need a best friend.im independent,and i've been through too much to not learn to be self-sufficient.

yuppp. today was the third day. aah so the morning was alright. i had jazz and i was pretty nervous cause i knew i wasn't prepared:| but omgoodness i was so happy playing jazz,it was like a load lifted off my shoulders! just doing the warmups with the dah's and the daht's and tah's and taht's...it was like hallelujaa this is where im supposed to be. the song we were playing as an ensemble was kinda difficult,especially when you're only sitting next to firsts.the second music sounded really awkward. tomorrow i'll sit with the rest of the seconds hahaha. the girl next to me shocked me.idunno her name,but i didn't think she was gonna be any competition,but then i realized that she was in jazz band the year before,and obviously knew all the music. but she was really nice,and i think she was a little nervous too!i was like "wtheck a girl being genuinely nice to me?!that doesn't happenn.." cause it doesn't. well then mcnurlan called me into his office and i was being really dumb and nervous and kinda screwed up ALOT. like solar didn't even sound right. actually,the sightreading was ALOT better than the prepared piece..idunno i just connected with it more really. solar doesn't have a groove for me to get into[x the scales just sucked.but i set a basis for all the other freshmen saxes,so whatever[x i'll be okay.
at the beginning of first period, will was saying how their might be four saxes for the a group. YIPEE! thats perfect. me,will,breana,and the girl i met.cause im not too sure about wendy and justine being in a. they're not too familiarrr with their instruments...well the class was fine. i actually like school alot,even the classwork. i feel really responsible,and its a cool feeling. well when we went down to get our books, i realized that it was niecel! i was wondering if it was her,but then i saw her and i was like pshh yeahhh. so we got to talking and it was nice,i missed cfc-y members! but yeah i can tell we'll be good friends[:
second period! that class kinda suucks. and mr baker moves really hecka fast. good thing he has those notes up online though,cause id be totally caught behind otherwise:|
thirdd. this class is a lotta fun and smuts is a cool teacher! me and sofia bondd in this class[x
fourth. uhh it wasn't too great today, we just did the warmup excersizes really
lunch: aah justin.we flirt alot[x its sofunnnnnn.!hahaha[: well that freakin girl tenor needs to back the hell off my guys cause they were my friends first.!!!!! she makes me so maaddd cause they all forget about me when she comes over.sure,call me an attention whore,but she's stealing my friends.bitch. jordan kinda does it too...but shes nicer about itt.i like her!shes cool,its like we're best friends and we've known eachother for a week[x i really wanted to go see sarah,but i couldn't get away from the bandkids.:|

well yeah.then fifth and sixth,nothing really.

but duuude. things are actually getting awkward for me with logan:| like i can tell he likes me and its just kinda like uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuughh i dont like you im just flirty. hes one of my good friends and i wish his eyes didn't light up like that whenever i look at them:| i dont wanna get his hopes up.
and then theres the sarah thing.shes my bestttt friendd!and i love herr.but we have completely different friends...and different classes:|but i guess that shouldn't bother me.or maybe i should just not be a baby and get myself over to their table,even though i'm probably largely unwanted there..idunno.maybe monday i'll have daniel wait and i'll walk up with him.why do households have to be on football fridays!?!!aaaaaagh.!it would make things SO much easier if they were the other weeks:|i love households!argharghargharghargharghargh.

idunno. things will work out.yaravi will unite us![:

omgoodness hahaha.
well today is jocelyn/sierra day!wootwoot. but i gotta clean my room hahha.
IM SO EXCITED FOR SCHOOOOOLLL
whooooooooo!




okay yeah i'm done with this post:]

did it have to happen that way? the first time i see you in over a month and your parents have to drag me to say hi? i didnt exactly like feeling like i was about to burst into tears when i walked away, but seriously, its probably a chronic case of dissapointment. and especially since i thought i wasnt gonna let it bother me.





but things will get better,right?